HOW TO CHANGE OTHER'S MINDS WITHOUT BEING SEEN AS OUTRIGHT OFFENSIVE OR AROUSING ANIMOSITY?
By: MAHENDRA SINGH RATHORE. MBA BA (Honors) CFP® CRPC® ChFC® CLU® PMP® CHE® CHA®
In our social
relationships and professionallives, we
often find in our friends,colleague or bossessomehabits, attitudes, or behaviors that we would like them to change. Everyone
has something they want to change employees want to change their bosses' minds,
bosses want their subordinates to change, clergy want to change devotees’ lack
of faith, beliefs, behaviors and negative mindset, and leaders want to
transform organizations have similar aspiration to change people’s mind.
But to change another
mind is extremely hard. Barring few behavioral experts and pastors, others most
often take recourse to pressure , coaxing
and cajoling, and despite best efforts often
little or no change. When people are
asked how they have tried to change someone's mind, most experts discover that that most of the people focus on pressure or pushing tactics a few on
influential and leading by example. Could there be a better way to reduce
resistance to change?
When we are open-minded and
flexible, we can overcome adversaries by our manners, behaviors, and dealings.
We have seen years after years that flexible trees can survive tornadoes and
windstorms, but tall, sturdy giant trees get uprooted from the soil and never
retakes roots.
The same analogy applied to
human relations. Egoistic people will always do the thing that makes or break
and break relationships forever. In contrast, a humble and soft-spoken person
using a God-given glib can win over the hearts of the adversaries and mend
relations but never break relationships forever. This is the art of human
relations that we people must learn to
survive and thrive in this new era.
So, the first rule is when
dealing with people whom you have to change or accept a new viewpoint is Agree
to Disagree” That you listen and then give your perspective in such a manner
that the next person would get a feeling that you are likely to accept his
viewpoint. The second rule, do not Criticize, Condemn, or complain without
personal open-ended dialogue.
The best way to get your point
across and have the other person listen to you and adopt the desired feedback
is for you to shower the most effusive praise you have ever bestowed upon
someone. And then give the bitter pill that now on, I wish you would be a
little more careful with your …….( language, attitude or work et al. ) it is
always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of
our good points as we have seen at the Barber Shop and Dentists shops what they
do. A barber will talk to you about things that you might like to listen to,
and at the same time, leather you shave before pulling the sharp knife fitted
with a razor blade to shave you.
A dentist will also give you
warm greetings and talk to you about pleasant things and give you some
encouraging words while preparing the injection to pierce into your soft gums
to numb them for a deep cleaning painful process. The dentist always starts with praise, a
pleasing smile, and pain killing injection but still has you bear with the root
canal or drilling.
Therefore, in interpersonal
relationships, to help people change their behavior, you must always listen
actively, do not interrupt, and always be courteous in conversations. The
secret to making someone change his/her behavior and mind is to first start
with praise, compliments, and sincere appreciation for all the good in the
other person and then give your suggestion, deliver bad news, or bitter
feedback. This way, you open the other person and win their confidence, which
makes it easier for the person to follow your suggestion or advice. A great
Leader always begins with praise and honest appreciation.
The more you can
explain objectively what is something that is happening and why it matters for
the other persons own development , for their career or for the business , or
social relationships, the better off you are, and the other person is in being
able to understand it and act upon the constructive suggestion or feedback. You
must me adroit and skillful in making sure that you always make the other
person happy about the things you suggest him to do.
Anytime you want someone
to do something for you. You would communicate in a way that the other personal
thought he was doing a favor for you to do something that was in fact for his own need,
or he want to do. Many prominent and influential statemen and politicians have this art mastered to”
Make a person Happy to do things that you want them to do approach.
The influential
leader should keep in mind that to change anyone’s mind or behaviors one need
to be very sincere. Do not promise that you can not deliver. Do it for the
other persons sake and not for your own sake and focus on the benefits to the
other person. Know in advance what you want the other person to do in terms of
change of attitude, behaviors, or Habits.
Be empathetic and understanding in knowing exactly what the other person
really wants or desire.
Also focus on “
WIIFT” What is in it for the other person, consider what benefit the other
person will receive from following your advice or guidance. Strive to match the expected benefits that
the other person wants as against what benefits you will deliver. When you
communicate the request put it in such as way that the other person will feel
it will benefit him or her. Highlight the benefits the other person will enjoy because
of following your advice or request. ‘ For example.. if you do this you will
not have to do it .Only doing this action it will convey the best image or our
association or the organization. Its more likely that the other person will
follow your guidance or advice from these approaches rather than not following your guidance at all. To
sum up this approach, Make the other person happy about doing the things you
suggest or recommend.
Whatever situation we
are in, whatever we dislike or hate about other persons, we should still use
your influential skills to bring positive change. No one’s relationship is perfect, but we can start
with a new attitude learning from the past. Never burn the bridges of
relationships as you never know when and where you might need that person
again. When you are having a bad day with someone, you do say things you do not
mean. Start something in this world is easy; maintaining it is tricky,
especially in relationships, as we are changing entities in our behaviors,
attitudes, and thoughts, and if you reflect on your own life, you are not the
same person you were 10 -20 years ago. We evolve through life experiences.
The Catalyst: How
to Change Anyone's Mind-Jonah Berger.How to Change
Minds: The Art of Influence without Manipulation- Rob Jules Emotional Intelligence:
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