HOW TO CHANGE HABITS?

“We are what we do. Excellence, therefore, is not an Act, but a Habit.” 

BY: MAHENDRA S. RATHORE MBA, BA (Honors) CFP® CRPC® ChFC® CLU® PMP® CHE®

We are the sum of our actions, and therefore, our Habits make all the difference. The most distinguishing difference between the successful people and underachievers goes well beyond the IQ  upbringing or surroundings but are determined by their Habits. Our Habits contribute to our health, wealth and wisdom and ultimately; self -actualization. We all have some progress limiting habits that impede our material & spiritual lives, goals achievements and interpersonal relationship. We often find ourselves, slaves of our deeply ingrained habits, whether these are weak interpersonal relationships, a tendency to wake up late, or procrastinate on essential tasks. So, one of the biggest impediments to our progress and upward mobility in both career and social engagements or relationships are habits that we struggle to change.

At times during new year resolutions, we make some resolutions to change the habits, but within a month or two, the same old habits take control of us, and we find ourselves back to square one. There are very few people who succeed at creating a significant and lasting change. With smartphones and being inundated with information overload, we find it hard to leave the phones out even for an hour.
Other the other hand, a few of us carry these devices everywhere so that in our free times, we can be ensconced in ourselves in these circumstances to connect with new people, a habit and skill most aspire to cultivate.
One of the best ways to save from these bizarre habitual activities is to do some introspection. Insightful self-changers come to understand that the best way to control their behavior was to take control of the things that contain them. This involved overcoming the naïve hubris of seeing themselves as solitary rational beings whose actions are the product of their conscious will complete choice. But for the majority of us, the stark reality is that we have far less control over our habits than we might think or imagine.
The real reason is that due to modern lifestyle changes, friends circle pressures and smart-held devices are constant companions, and our thoughts & behaviors are conditioned by outside forces that manipulate, distract, arouse, excite, and impede us from the more important work.
One can only win in this endeavor if one accepts the and bow to the fact and make these tools work for him and help change the behaviors. The path to changing the behavior is first to take control of these relentless sources of influences that psychologically manipulate themselves into seeing a situation differently.

Here are few strategies to jump-start changing habits:

We know our physical surroundings, and social values shape our actions, preferences and choices. For instance, what you eat is more influenced by what you see rather than what you might browse on the internet to eat or go drive to check out a menu. What we see is what we eat. If you see the nice chocolate bar in a jar at home within easy reach, it initiates an inexorable, insatiable urge that can only be silenced when you succumb to eating the chocolates.

• You can keep things that cause impulsive urges far away and, if feasible, out of sight from you, so you pick up good things and not something that overpowers you and makes you an addict. The same thing goes for smartphones. Please keep them in the distance at night from your bed, so you do not succumb to open the app and eventually keep browsing until you exhaust them.
• If you want to overcome procrastination habits, don't sit in places or places that offer easy distraction. Close yourself in a closed silent room with the slightest distraction and more appeal to engage in real serious work and complete the task or work without much distraction. If you are a reader and need to focus on technical stuff, keep the links or the documents on your homepage instead of hidden behind the other folders and news feeds.
•  Visualize how great it will be if I can get this done. -Take a moment to create a mental picture of the benefits of getting it done and sometimes, this can sometimes be just enough to get us moving and inspired. So if there is phone call or email or task you are putting off for long, give your brain a helping hand by imagining the virtuous sense of  the satisfaction you would have once its done.
•  Make a pledge publicly- telling your friends or family we are going to get something done can honestly, powerfully amplify the appeal to taking concrete action because our brain rewards system is highly responsive to our social standing and public image. None of us want to be seen as sloppy and lazy to other people .So, social benefits of following through our promise can be powerful enough to nudge us to bite the bullet.
• Changing Habits also requires changing friends: a Mexican saying," Show me who you are with, and I will tell you who you are." Habits have deep bearings on the friendship circle you have. The people you associate with you shape your behaviors, habits and influence your eating, drinking, purchase, thinking, feeling, hate, and even dealing with other people. 
• So, spend less time with people who reinforce lousy behavior and spend more time making wise friends who support healthy, nourishing good habits and behaviors. If you seriously want to cultivate a positive mindset and health habits, associate with progressive leaders who are leading change rather than those woes are constant critiques or people who are always opposing anything constructive.

Power of Thought

•  We all, as humans, have our peculiar defaults. We have our default web pages and default fond for typing, and even default checkboxes when ordering stuff online. If a box is checked for payment by credit card, we would rarely change it to other methods and leave it checked. If you must give a speech or presentation, do not simply make a statement to practice my presentation /speech before the review. Instead, make sure you schedule and block a time on your calendar for such practice.. otherwise, you are far more likely to spend the hour rehearsing if you make it the default plan.
• Use psychological power and train your mind. Most often think that lack of will is the reason for failed habits, but it lacks skill. We are less motivated when we feel less competent. When you try to change your behavior or habits, don't simply think of changing; rather, mentally coach yourself and commit to change. If you take baby steps of making bits of structured practice to increase your competence and your motivation will automatically build in. Just like when you start a motor and accelerate, it sorts of gets into the rhythm of speed.
• Those who want to practice Interpersonal skills should make it a point to read an excellent book and learn a few techniques and make friends with unfamiliar and new friends to practice those relationship skills strategies one by one. Practice each strategy until you become very fluent at it. And once you master these skills one by one, you will feel comfortable meeting, greeting, and building relationships with unknown people comfortably and reliably.        

Choose Your Destiny

• Change your mental Frame: it is easy and natural to manipulate yourself by simply framing choices differently. For example, simply changing the words, you use in conversation can be refreshing, making you feel differently and lively. Anytime you decide to make or deal with a temptation, you will be far better at resisting the urges of using the same old language or the tricks. For example, if conversation if you say I can't do this or that, you say I can do that. 
• The potent way to change deeply ingrained habits is to use phrases and language that lifts you and others and more connected to your values and goals. Suppose you have an unpleasant situation and are hesitant to make a decision. You will be habitually conditioned to say," What a sad situation I am in, and I have to deal with this mess," instead, you can reframe that situation by asking yourself, why do I want to talk to this person or deal with this situation. As you meditate on this, you will discover the real motive and purpose to save your near and dear ones from a situation or walking into a meeting to help a colleague or friend from an ugly situation. Now you will begin to realize that it's not messed rather purpose-driven things that I should help with.                          

Make yourself feel differently about gaining new behaviors by seeing it as a process of systematic change. So, we must recognize that many external influences and extraneous forces impact our habits and behaviors and our choices when confronted with uncalled, unexpected situations. 

We need to acknowledge that we are overly influenced by the power of situational and social forces. And to redeem ourselves of these nagging forces, we must take control of our lives by first acknowledging the facts and making such a situation work to our advantage- change our habits and molding our behaviors. We are also prone to gut reactions due to initial feelings about people or things, sometimes, rethinking and revising what you feel by way of an introspection and reflection help you to reconsider habitual responses and you are open to reconsidering responses. Your past habits can weigh you down but self-reflection and rethinking can liberate us from bad habits.